THOUGHTS

             "How Can I Love"

I had found the person I longed for fullfiling my destiny,

Even at a young age I Knew then that youth was never a question for love it was for the simplest reason having your soulmate for the rest of your life and for that having no no doughts that happiness would surely follow you like a sick dog.
 Realizing the truth on what I had then I made my world revolve on my love (IROG) and for 19yrs there was no other for he was everything to me. Through the years we live our lives side by side, may it be good or bad, happy or deep in problems he gave me three gifts noone could not be proud of, my children.
 But life is to short for us to hold on to our promises that we would never leave each other, that we would grow old together and that in every storm we sorpass we will be strogner than before. We made it a part of us to be ready for anything and everything, expecting the worse or the unexpected.
 But when the time came that he left me we were not ready nor we never expected the worse for we choose to spent every bit of time we could spend cherishing every moment we were together becouse his time was drawing near.
 Now after three years the pain I felt the very moment he left me hurts more and more than ever. And as the days pass I dred for his touch, his voice, his arms aroud me and evern the things he did to hurt my feelings or the fights we had I so much miss them all.
 No song, movie, place we went or things we did could not hold back my tears from falling. Its so hard to move on even making a mockery of my self having others to foul my self that I am trying to get over him, swendeling my very self im showing others that I am happy for the reason I have somebody new to love. Don't be fooled by te smiles nor the sheer happiness you see because when I am all alone specially at night I still cry with no reason and not knowing when to stop for as time passes by the wound gets deeper and deeper.
 NOW TELL ME HOW CAN I LOVE!!!!!!!



            "What Is Forever"

     Another two years it would be a DECADE since you left. I have had my UPS and DOWNS of life as a SINGLE person and most of those turns were unforgettable. There were events that I chose to forget for they were the times, not to be ashamed of, a person would regret later in life and I don't want to have any regrets when I die.
     In the many years that I had you, may the time or day started and ended peacefully or jaw clinging fight, can never be compared to the days and years you are gone. I may always say that I have no HAPPY MEMORIES with you, in which I have a really hard time REMEMBERING, but I have a ton of things I MISS about YOU.
      The years may have come and gone like the MEN that I have had AFTER you would seem to be that I have already moved on. Many would see me HAPPY and CAREFREE like I never had you. Others WHO think they know who I am say "I lack so many things so much that would be said I CAN NEVER PASS AS A MOTHER AND A WIFE" but what would they know. They were never there 8 years ago when YOU were still here in which I had a porpuse in life.
     It is true what the phrase say "YOU ARE MY EVERYTHING, YOU ARE MY WORLD." Back then I was the most LUCKIEST, HAPPIEST person alive not minding the endless house work, rasing three kids, in which became four, over the piles of school work and tutoring the kids. Even the last three or four years before you left, as my patient, was a bliss of joy, not mentioning the ocassional fights with me or the kid, that I WOULD NEVER TRADE IT FOR ANYTHING IN WIRLD.
     Having a FAMILY has and would never have a guide book nor a course in college, even in graduate school, that a person could take and learn. One could also say that such individual could never have such knowledge, IN HOW TO RAISE YOUR OWN FAMILY, from the life they had with thier parents. The MANNEE on how a couple would handle every single moment in thier MARRIED LIFE is ONLY a REFLICTION on how thier PARENTS raised them. As a peraonal educational experience with MY OWN FAMILY how it ran its course, EVERY couple would have thier own way of how they will run thier own, may they be up or down the wheel of life, specially to those who had to say to themselves "I WOULD NEVER BE LIKE......", may it be thier father or mother, make it a reality.
     A couple who truely, deeply and utterly, cristal clear, TRUST and RESPECT each other, for ME, possess a LASTING LOVE that can, if it permits, stand any obsticle that would come. In every RELATIONSHIP there is always a KEY on HOW they would SMOOTHLY stay TOGEYHER. For us COMMUNICATION is the ONLY thing we NEEDED. We were set FOR LIFE.... After all the agreement and disagreements we had, believe me there were more disagreements than agreements, If we were GIVEN the chance to have ANOTHER LIFE, next life, we WANT to be TOGETHER. We have NO REGRETS with the life we had. Even thou YOU can never read this I STILL WANT YOU. To be with you, I don't care may it be our second, third or even a thounsanth life and even in every single life time you still leave me early in life, and spend each and every life time, if God would grant us, IS A CHOICE THAT WOULD NEVER CHANGE!!!!!!!!